the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
