If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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