So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
