I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
