You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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