I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
