Barsexuality is the new black.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
