I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
