With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
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