she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Found your dick twin last night
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
