True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
