the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
