dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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