Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
