Cold hands, warm shart.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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