ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Randomize
