You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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