my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
