It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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