So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He called his prostate his "boner button".
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
