This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
