just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
