He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
