It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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