We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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