I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
