remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Randomize
