You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
