everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
