Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
