I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
