God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
