he wants to bone in the snuggie
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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