I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
