You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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