my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
