Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
