saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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