why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
