He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
