There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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