If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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