is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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