I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
