Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
