Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize