I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
