Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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