I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
