If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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