I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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