so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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