She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
