i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
