there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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