Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
