this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize