Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
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