I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
