he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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