GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
