At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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