Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
