Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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