Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
