Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
