so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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