it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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