I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
