Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Is it because I queefed?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
