I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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