I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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