I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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