Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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